A Letter to Fate

Dear Fate,

I am so ridiculously blessed (or lucky, or privileged, or fated, or whatever). Thanks.

During high school, I worked HARD. Way too hard, now that I reflect. And I have been rewarded for it. I have been accepted into some of the most prestigious schools in the country, I have wonderful friends, a spectacular family, and, speaking for myself, I have a relatively agreeable personality and all the maturity, flexibility and conversationableness that goes with that.

However, as of right now, I feel slightly disappointed in the outcome of my college search and, frankly, life in general. This is not depression, nor hopelessness, but a strange mixture of jealousy, fatigue, hormones, self-absorption, and indecision.

Story of my life this year: I want something badly. I am told that I will eventually get that thing which I really want (told by family, friends, counselors, etc.). I don't get that thing which I really want. But I get all the accessories: all the other college acceptances I was waiting for, plenty of dates to fill my weekends, placing in other competitions, on and on, like getting everything on a chef salad except the damn lettuce.

I look around me, and other people seem to have found the right path. They got into their dream schools, or the schools they were destined for from birth. They found that perfect significant other. They ace every test. They place in every contest. They get every solo or main role. They've got the money, the time, the talent, the personality which simply make them glow.

And then I think about all the options I have, about how I am often seen as the ideal person described above, and I feel so guilty for complaining about what I have, especially to friends and acquaintances who definitely don't have the choices I have, through no fault of their own. I mean, there are people dying of radiation poisoning in Japan, genocide in the Middle East, bombs dropping like crazy in Africa, and children without parents or education or futures. And I'm complaining about not getting exactly what I want at exactly the time I want? I'm such a bitch, mannnnnn. Gosh, just count out how many times I use the pronoun 'I' on this thing...

But seriously, Fate. If it's not too much trouble, and if it doesn't entirely screw up my future, can something turn out exactly the way I want it to? I need a break from making vaguely unsettling choices...