My Daisy List, Part 1

According to Urban Dictionary dot com, a "bucket list" is:


"list of things to do before you die" 
"list of things you always say your going to do and don't" (grammar errors are not due to my failure as a human being) 
"you feel insecure about your life and therefore make a list of things to get busy on" AND
"list of ugly or undesirable females" (never heard that one before...)


While it might be incredibly entertaining to make a list of that last definition, I am certain that I will die naturally of boredom within the next two days. I would rather not die by violent means if avoidable. 


So, instead, over Christmas break (it was warmer then than it is now. WTF, God.), I wrote out a nice, long bucket list. 39 items so far, and I'm positive that as my life experiences grow, I will find more adventures to add. However, one thing about creating a bucket list turned me off. The name. Bucket list - things to do before you "kick the bucket." Real sensitive to all of us who are going to die [redundancy?]. Since I consider it offensive and ineffectual to approach life in this way, I decided to rename my bucket list. 


In this TV-saturated society, even those of us without a TV could name just about every show that has run in the past decade. Call to mind "Pushing up Daisies." A very nice euphemism for death, methinks. Therefore, my bucket list is now a 'Daisy List.' (Copyright, 2011) Before I die, I hope to gradually pluck each of these items off of my list, so that when I die, I will be truly ready to die.


Anyways, this is a very deep, personal list which will disclose to you my innermost desires. But my cabin fever rises by the hour, I have not much time left on this earth. This is to make you appreciate me before it is too late. 


1) Explore the Australian Outback. I would love to herd sheep or raise wallabies for a year, despite the constant danger of being drowned or swept up by a cyclone or killed by a stingray...


2) Perform the National Anthem at some sporting event, preferably one with more than ten people in the stands...And by perform, I don't necessarily mean 'sing.' Wouldn't you like to see a kazoo anthem, or accordion, or I could even drag a harp out on the field! Armpit farts, car horns, the classic spoon-and-wine-glass, cymbals, sign language, the possibilities are endless! Contact me if you have a venue...

Maybe if they had moustaches???

3) Backpack through Europe. The dream of every bored American. There's only so much enjoyment to be found in hot geysers, giant holes in the ground, and carved rock sculptures of several guys who didn't completely screw the country over while in charge (revolution, civil war, no big deal, right?). We want castles, man. 


4) Write a rap jazz song. An intense one, comparable to Nellie McKay's "Sari" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJZY-Czcp2E
or US3's "Cantaloop"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwBjhBL9G6U

5) Climb a big mountain. This will take a while, not just to climb, but to prepare, get in shape, and get over my fear of big rocks after 127 Hours....

6)  Join the Peace Corps. DREAM, right here. I would love to go to Africa or Central America for a couple years, chill with the natives, and help an impoverished area develop a bit. 2 years away from home sounds absolutely amazing right now, after being sealed up for four days.

7) Run a marathon. I have been planning to start running everyday, but everyday hasn't approached yet. I'll keep my eyes peeled for him.

Who wouldn't want to learn to speak this?

8) Learn Arabic. Especially with the unpleasant situation occurring over in mummy-land right now, Arabic would be a useful language to learn. If I go to University of Texas next year, I hope to enroll in its Arabic Flagship Program. Four years of Arabic, one free year in the Middle East. (What can I say? I can't refuse anything that's free...)


9) Follow a rainbow to its end. The lovers, the dreamers, Kermit the Frog, and me. Hey, that pot of gold would be useful too.

10) Get a pet monkey. Monkeys are adorable (at least when I'm not being told I LOOK like one...) If I am ever forced to get a pet, I would only agree to a monkey. Also, when I'm homeless and poor, a monkey might help me make some $$$.

11) Live without a car for a year. I'm currently living without meat for a year, can a car be much different? (Maybe by then, there will be an alternative to cars, anyways. Flying shoes, anyone?)

I'm not as ugly as they are, either!

12) Dye my hair lavender. Channeling...[racking my head for the name of a famous lavender-haired person] Kelly Osbourne, Lady Gaga. Sigh. If only I WANTED to be like either of those nutcases.

13) Have my portrait painted. Legitimately, though, not by a caricaturist in Central Park. Mona Lisa style! (except I'm not a man...)

14) Get stranded in a blizzard. WAIT. One petal plucked.

15) Take an IQ test. Am I Mensa material? I think, therefore I am. (Or was Descartes talking about something else?)

As I am nearing the 1,000th view mark on my blog, I would appreciate if you would refresh the page several times after reading this, to push the statistics up. It makes me feel really popular. Thanks, darlings.