The Cleansing Power of Hating.

From time to time, it is important to RANT. Wildly, hysterically, in public. At least, this tends to be my solution.

The various rants of today included these 10 themes:

1) Men. You are all entirely clueless. No exceptions. Open yo eyes.

2) Slow service at Sonic. I want my lemon-berry creamslush, dammit!

3) Theatre kids. I love you all. But seriously, relax a bit. The world will continue just fine without your skipped line/missed note.

4) Those people who comment that you are in a bad mood for one day, while they are ALWAYS the ones in the bad mood every other day! No need for pity, patronization, ignorance, pats on the head. Continue to make fun of me as usual and don't take it personally when I snark at you. I don't hate you, I'm not unhappy, I probably just did not sleep enough.

5) Those people who obsessed about the Oscars, especially the fashion choices of the nominees. Individualism, guys. Or should we all conform to impossible standards of beauty? Helena Bonham Carter, I admire your sunglasses. ScarJo, I loved your hair. Cate Blanchett, your dress was a pretty...color.

6) Colleges. Please, stop raising your tuition. Please, give me more money. Please, make me happy next year.

7) Blaine Anderson. You are gay. Now date the boy who loves you. Sing gorgeous duets together. You are the only decent character on Glee. Live up to my expectations.

8) Academic team competitions. OH MY GOD, CHILL OUT. These tests do not define your life. One girl was actually afraid that her parents would not let her in the house if she didn't place. If your parents are that obsessive, run away NOW. And please, don't cram with French grammar right before the test, because I will start laughing at you, and you will get psyched out and I will beat you, either with my score or with a big stick.

9) Red lipstick. I have rather large lips, I admit it, and red lipstick just doesn't stick. So, stay off my teeth and stop leaving a red ring around my mouth. Stage makeup is hard enough to get off without you causing difficulties.

10) Coffee. After drinking a thermos of tea everyday for the past week, my cup of joe today was disgusting. It left a gross taste in my mouth and probably explained my sour mood for the rest of the day. Back to tea tomorrow.

However, I definitely win for being the person who pisses myself off the most! Three months left of this...and then ?????????

I'm a Senior.

Right now, there are several things I could be doing with my time:
1) attempting my 85 calculus problems
2) studying for my European history test
3) watching the Grammy's
4) memorizing my oratory
5) reading Dorian Gray
6) eating the Hershey's Cookies'n'Cream chocolate bar right next to my computer mouse

Instead of doing all that, I am informing you of all these things I could be doing and comparing myself to a character in the Superman comic I read yesterday. (Judge me not) No, I'm not comparing myself to Superman, no, I'm not quite that narcissistic (or muscular). There's another guy in one of the comics who literally has no fear. None. He sat through an airplane crash,  a confrontation with armed crooks, and a scolding from Superman without flinching once. I'm not actually like that at all (I jump when a pen drops). However, lately, since Christmas, I have been unable to panic. Calculus problems due? Mehh I'll read a book. Car almost out of gas? Mehh it'll last a few more miles at least. Two weeks late with a biology assignment? Mehh I'll do extra credit later. No late nights crying about schoolwork. Never again.

Senioritis: a blessing and a curse. We worry not about academic things, but we still feel the need to put some pencil to paper because we feel sorry for our teachers deep down. No stress, but an ingrained compulsion to work. So, instead of finishing all our homework at 6 (good job, freshmen!), we start our homework at 10 or so, finish at 2, and then complain about all the work the teachers make us seniors do. Cruel world! At least Stumbleupon and frozen yogurt understand us!

Sigh. Good thing I've got no plans for Lover's Day, cause I literally have to write a whole seven page paper.

Bleck. Time to eat the candy bar.

My Daisy List, Part 1

According to Urban Dictionary dot com, a "bucket list" is:


"list of things to do before you die" 
"list of things you always say your going to do and don't" (grammar errors are not due to my failure as a human being) 
"you feel insecure about your life and therefore make a list of things to get busy on" AND
"list of ugly or undesirable females" (never heard that one before...)


While it might be incredibly entertaining to make a list of that last definition, I am certain that I will die naturally of boredom within the next two days. I would rather not die by violent means if avoidable. 


So, instead, over Christmas break (it was warmer then than it is now. WTF, God.), I wrote out a nice, long bucket list. 39 items so far, and I'm positive that as my life experiences grow, I will find more adventures to add. However, one thing about creating a bucket list turned me off. The name. Bucket list - things to do before you "kick the bucket." Real sensitive to all of us who are going to die [redundancy?]. Since I consider it offensive and ineffectual to approach life in this way, I decided to rename my bucket list. 


In this TV-saturated society, even those of us without a TV could name just about every show that has run in the past decade. Call to mind "Pushing up Daisies." A very nice euphemism for death, methinks. Therefore, my bucket list is now a 'Daisy List.' (Copyright, 2011) Before I die, I hope to gradually pluck each of these items off of my list, so that when I die, I will be truly ready to die.


Anyways, this is a very deep, personal list which will disclose to you my innermost desires. But my cabin fever rises by the hour, I have not much time left on this earth. This is to make you appreciate me before it is too late. 


1) Explore the Australian Outback. I would love to herd sheep or raise wallabies for a year, despite the constant danger of being drowned or swept up by a cyclone or killed by a stingray...


2) Perform the National Anthem at some sporting event, preferably one with more than ten people in the stands...And by perform, I don't necessarily mean 'sing.' Wouldn't you like to see a kazoo anthem, or accordion, or I could even drag a harp out on the field! Armpit farts, car horns, the classic spoon-and-wine-glass, cymbals, sign language, the possibilities are endless! Contact me if you have a venue...

Maybe if they had moustaches???

3) Backpack through Europe. The dream of every bored American. There's only so much enjoyment to be found in hot geysers, giant holes in the ground, and carved rock sculptures of several guys who didn't completely screw the country over while in charge (revolution, civil war, no big deal, right?). We want castles, man. 


4) Write a rap jazz song. An intense one, comparable to Nellie McKay's "Sari" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJZY-Czcp2E
or US3's "Cantaloop"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwBjhBL9G6U

5) Climb a big mountain. This will take a while, not just to climb, but to prepare, get in shape, and get over my fear of big rocks after 127 Hours....

6)  Join the Peace Corps. DREAM, right here. I would love to go to Africa or Central America for a couple years, chill with the natives, and help an impoverished area develop a bit. 2 years away from home sounds absolutely amazing right now, after being sealed up for four days.

7) Run a marathon. I have been planning to start running everyday, but everyday hasn't approached yet. I'll keep my eyes peeled for him.

Who wouldn't want to learn to speak this?

8) Learn Arabic. Especially with the unpleasant situation occurring over in mummy-land right now, Arabic would be a useful language to learn. If I go to University of Texas next year, I hope to enroll in its Arabic Flagship Program. Four years of Arabic, one free year in the Middle East. (What can I say? I can't refuse anything that's free...)


9) Follow a rainbow to its end. The lovers, the dreamers, Kermit the Frog, and me. Hey, that pot of gold would be useful too.

10) Get a pet monkey. Monkeys are adorable (at least when I'm not being told I LOOK like one...) If I am ever forced to get a pet, I would only agree to a monkey. Also, when I'm homeless and poor, a monkey might help me make some $$$.

11) Live without a car for a year. I'm currently living without meat for a year, can a car be much different? (Maybe by then, there will be an alternative to cars, anyways. Flying shoes, anyone?)

I'm not as ugly as they are, either!

12) Dye my hair lavender. Channeling...[racking my head for the name of a famous lavender-haired person] Kelly Osbourne, Lady Gaga. Sigh. If only I WANTED to be like either of those nutcases.

13) Have my portrait painted. Legitimately, though, not by a caricaturist in Central Park. Mona Lisa style! (except I'm not a man...)

14) Get stranded in a blizzard. WAIT. One petal plucked.

15) Take an IQ test. Am I Mensa material? I think, therefore I am. (Or was Descartes talking about something else?)

As I am nearing the 1,000th view mark on my blog, I would appreciate if you would refresh the page several times after reading this, to push the statistics up. It makes me feel really popular. Thanks, darlings.

February. Pigg. Countertenor. REJECTION.

Oh, snow days. You give me time to write long blog posts, read some Jane Austen, and lie around the house in a Superman Snuggie munching on marshmallow brownies and taking random naps in assorted chairs around the house. You also give me time to accept rejection and darkly anticipate a depressing month. Let's work backward, shall we?

I was rejected for the first time today. I applied for a writing scholarship in November, and was informed today that *sigh* UNC does not appreciate my sense of humor or skillful use of adjectives and insults. They did accept me, but this impoverished girl can't afford out-of-state tuition without a bit of a boost. UNC, I reject you.
Thus, my lucky streak in terms of college admissions is over, and I am preparing myself for more of these dank emails. My only consolation is that someday, when I'm famous with a best-seller and millions of dollars, they will remember not giving me that scholarship and regret it. Eat my dust.

Of course, when I am in the dark pit of despair, I always turn to la musique, the best gift God could bestow on his clay sculptures. Especially when the music is made by tenors. Or, countertenors.


SAM TSUI. The Youtube sensation who remakes awful pop songs into something resembling quality. For example, consider the new Britney song "Hold it Against Me." It has lyrics which make my six-year old sister's attempts to rewrite the birthday song (happy birthday to you, you smell like poo) look like Hammerstein material. But Sam Tsui's very high tenor voice (alright, he's not QUITE a countertenor, but it's pretty close) enters your ear like a Q-tip. It scoops out all the gunk left by Britney's version and gives you a 3 minute, 49 second eargasm. The video swoops from his face (head swiveling, eyes closed, cheesy-as-mozzarella sticks look of absolute concentration and ecstasy) to his hands (awful technical work, but it's the notes that count) to the not-meant-to-be-funny antics of his producer, the ever adorable Kurt. This performance rids the head of Bieber-fever and gives it Tsui-itis, especially if you are a teenage girl with red-tinted locks and an impenetrably optimistic view of love eleven months out of the year.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxTDK1S5qJ0
Now, Sammy also writes his own music (thanks, Yale education). While better than Britney's, these lyrics still barely surpass my eight-year old sister's skill with words (she's GOOD, man). "We say see ya later, but I know there's no way we're around here again." Really, Sam, 'later' and 'way we're' rhyme??
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1p74Isbcgc
But you are forgiven for pure virtue of the fact that you are adorable and Chinese.


Pretty voice, Sam has, but skill? That's Landon Pigg's domain. The only reason HE'S not ridiculously famous is because of his rather unfortunate name. Pigg brings up several images, none of them pleasant. But this indie-pop cutie with bad teeth, greasy lank hair, skinny pants and ties, shlurpy endings of phrases, and golden eyes, deserves more than a supporting role in a Drew Barrymore movie (Whip It) and a song commission for a Shrek movie. No, he deserves stardom and listeners like you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaEc4SuhRbY&feature=relmfu
I mean, what is more endearing than indecision? He hasn't fallen for you, he has 'possibly, maybe fallen for you.' Huge difference. If he were a real boy, he'd be smacked cold. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLfjhSmvFjM&feature=relmfu
Finally, he carries a messenger bag and is pigeon-toed. Buy me a plane ticket to Nashville, please.

Ugh. Now for my least favorite topic. February. No wonder it comes from the traditional Anglo-Saxon term for cabbage. It is asymmetrical with the other months, hard to say (Feb-roo-ary or Feb-you-ary?), cold, and not close enough to May to make me happy. I don't even need to mention Valentine's Day to make February sound bad. Yeah, it started with a snow day, but there's NO SNOW and it's WAY too cold to go outside, PLUS my car is being utilized not by me, so I am stuck here, complaining to you, computer screen, and you, dear readers, who bothered to read all the way to the end of this.

No school AGAIN tomorrow. I haven't started my calculus homework and self-pity makes me feel important and misused by the world, BUT I'M BORED.


PATRONIZE ME, higher authority, and give me something to do besides blog!